Wednesday, August 20, 2008

First Day Jitters


Today was Edie's first day at school. 6:15am she woke up bright and early and asked, "Mom, is this really my first day of school?" "Yes," I replied through a sleepy daze. "Well then, why are you still sleeping? Let's get going!"

She was very quick to get dressed and cleaned up. She grabbed her "sling" [backpack that she calls a sling] and got in the car and put her own seatbelt on for the first time in her life. I wanted to take pictures, but she was too excited to get there to have to wait and have mom mess around with pictures.

While waiting in line in the school yard for the 7:55am bell, Edie's best friend got behind us. The two of them were so excited, telling each other all about their backpacks and all the other cool stuff they got for school.

Once we got into the classroom, I choked up a couple of times. I wondered if it was just me or if I was picking up on the intensity of the other 24 parents emotions in the room.

They had the kids sit down and color a picture to get them settled while the teachers talked to the parents about some basic classroom stuff and take roll call.

Like a trooper... Edie decided to go against the grain strait out of the gate. She exclaimed, "I don't feel like coloring!" And she weaved her way through the maze of parents and began playing with the toys. Although I was impressed with her fortitude, I was also a bit distressed thinking this coud be her undoing with the teachers. Being a bit bigger than her, it took me a moment to squeeze through the people and get to where she was happily playing. I empathized with her, agreeing that playing IS more fun than sitting and coloring, however, in school we have only limited options, and right now her only option was to sit down and color or sit down and not color, but either way she needed to be in her seat. Shortly after sitting down again she remembered that Taylor (her best friend) is sitting right behind her, so she turned around to talk to her. When the teacher called out her name for roll call and to determine who was eating hot or cold lunch, with her voice loud and clear she says, "HOT LUNCH!" A father behind me whispers to his wife, "She really belted that out." He sounded impressed.

Meanwhile, all the other kids were sitting peacefully in their seats coloring their pictures... like good little sheep. And softly in shy little voices saying, "hot lunch" "cold lunch" with many requests for repeats from the teacher taking roll.

This morning I was thinking, "This should prove to be an interesting day for her."

So as the day turned out, I helped out in the cafeteria during lunch. They have that system down solid. The spanish teacher helped the kids with milk, the lunch lady gave them the main meal, and I helped them with sides (fruit, cheese, spoons), the assistant director (similar to vice principal in regular public schools) directed them where to sit, and the director (principal) made sure everyone had enough to eat. All in all, the whole lunch from beginning to end took 1 hour and 15 minutes... grades K-8, about 300 students. Crazy!

Edie said she got a kick out of me being there helping out at the school. It made her feel like I was part of it somehow. When I picked her up at 3:15pm, she acted like she had not seen me in a million years. She ran up to me and hugged me for the next 10 minutes, kissing me repeatedly. She said her first day of school was "AWESOME!"

She did admit to causing some trouble during quiet time... imagine that.

She will be hanging out with me at my office for the last hour and a half everyday so she can unwind instead of going to an afterschool program. Today she was so exhausted that she got a bit wired. But by the time we got home, ate dinner, read one book, she could not get into bed fast enough. 7:15pm, she was out cold.

My preference was to be able to homeschool her. I know I would not be the best homeschool teacher for the tougher subjects like reading and writing, although I would kick ass at science and math. I keep telling myself that even though this is not home-schooling, charter schools were formed out of the home-schooling concept, so it is the next best thing... right??? [Unfortunately they have been taken over by the public school system and follow the same curriculum and "No Child Left Behind" thank you baby-boy-bush.] This particular school produces some pretty brilliant children and has the highest academic scoring in Adams County.

I think she had a great day.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Feeling of Impendingness

This whole process is soooo challenging. One moment I feel centered and flowing. And another moment I feel like I have not DONE enough and I must DO something now.

And then everything gets confusing and I no longer know what to DO. So I start planning and getting things in order. But there is no sense of peace, no flow. So then I am confused even more.

So I was venting when this suddenly came to me and changed the direction of my thoughts and feelings...



Every choice we make leads us to the next array of choices.

We have an infinite number of choices in front of us.

We can choose paths of fear (running, hiding, fighting, defense, survival, other mind or thought paths, focusing on THEIR plan, avoiding.) This is "closed" and concerned with the physical.

Or we can choose paths of love (sharing, caring, speaking in love, healing, giving, opening our hearts and homes, listening, embracing.) This is "open" and truth centered.



Everyday I tell my loved ones (including myself) that the Universe provides everything, there is no need to row the boat. And everyday the Universe or my higher self says, "Sue, you don't have any oars, so why are you trying to row the boat?" And I do a quick self check and sure enough I was paddling away. Then I relax and peace flows over me. And sure enough an opportunity to be the conduit that I have been prepared to be opens up right in front of me.

The energy shifts are so great and coming faster and faster. It definitely makes it challenging to stay on task. I find it interesting that my higher self is so calm, yet direct. I am always reassured when I allow myself to hear or sense its presence.

As I say to my daughter, "The choice is yours, choose wisely".

I am calmer now and the feeling of impendingness has passed for now. It will be back... probably stronger next time. And when it comes, I will try my best to remember that I have no oars.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

The Eyes Are The Window Of The Soul


On Wednesday evening as I was cooking dinner I heard Edie, my 5 year old daughter, screaming in a fire engine way that only young children seem to be able to do... very loud and high pitched, in a loop. I could tell that she was in pain and that the situation required immediate attention.

I found her in the shed in a fetal position cradling her arm. In an effort to calm her down I stroked her gently as I said, "Baby, mommy is here. Look at mommy... look at me right in the eyes." She glanced at me with very clouded eyes and quickly glanced away. I tried a couple more times to get her to hold my gaze with no success. The pain was too much, her mind needed to escape to anywhere but NOW. I could tell that she had completely withdrawn out of her body and into her head. Turns out, she broke her arm which was the culprit of all the pain.

Throughout the hospital visit I kept checking on her eyes... it took about 24 hours until she could hold my gaze and another 12 until her eyes were bright and shining... and when I saw that I said, "There you are!" And she grinned from ear to ear because she knew exactly what I meant.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Thank you



This song and video is very powerful for me right now.
Thank you.

Monday, May 26, 2008